While I was sleeping last night I was thinking. So I guess it would be fair to say I wasn’t sleeping much at all. I was almost half conscious and my mind was checking to make sure I had packed everything, while simultaneously making a “to do” list for the next morning. And in the midst of all of this I suddenly realized I wasn’t ready to leave.
It was as if I was a four year old clinging to my mother’s leg a birthday party and screaming, “I don’t want to go!! I want to stay here!” Except I was sleeping when all of this was happening, and my mind was running circles in panic. I only had one day to be at home, run some final errands, and pack my bags (and I am now realizing I probably packed too much for overseas due to the fact that I was trying to shove things in bags to go to Seattle all at the same time).
But when I woke up it just made sense that everything was changing, shifting, and I was turning a new leaf. When I go back to school I won’t be going back to the dorms, but I will be going back to friends and familiar faces, which I can deal with. I won’t be eating in the cafeteria anymore, which means I’ll have to cook for myself, but I’ll find the time and means to do it. There will be new things and new challenges waiting for me on the other side of this trip, which I think is what my mind was having such a hard time accepting in my sleep. I can’t wait to go on my three week journey -- I think I’m just freaked out by everything that will be happening after.
Now that I’m on my way overseas my heart is starting to calm down and I can hear it telling me you can do this. Change isn’t going to kill you, it’s going to shape you and make you grow.
So, Ireland & Scotland (and Seattle afterwards) the countdown has ended and it’s time for me to say: Ready or Not, Here I Come!